From my worst nightmare...!

The night was still and the aroma of fresh mountain air was filling my heart with ecstasy.
We arrived early the first Thursday of the Summer,
It was a family tradition.

My husband and I were busy unpacking for a family of six...
The children running up and down and across the cabin,
Ready to go explore all over.

I was already tire a couple of hours into it
so I took the baby to the back, to do some bird watching.
It was all so lovely and peaceful, time ceased to exist while the birds sang their beautiful songs and show us their beautiful plumage in plain flight.

My son was only seven months old, barely crawling around.
Those are the best days for a mother, everything is perfect and beautiful, full of wonders and life is filled with moments.

There is only now, with a baby!

By Friday night all was done and it was time to explore.
The excitement of the children was out of  this world,
My daughter was fifteen from a previous and miserably failed marriage.

My boys were the sons of my now husband,
Ages ten, seven and our seven months old baby.

We had struggle so much to be were we are...
But for about 6 years life has been good to us,
Our jobs were good, the children were taken care of,
We were truly happy.

I had come for the fresh air as I mentioned before,
I just had a baby so I couldn't do all the hiking and adventure that the rest of my family did,
but it was great, I needed the rest anyway.

A couple of days before our return home they all went 
Camping at the top of the mountain.
I stayed in the cabin with our baby, I would be alone with him till next day.

-"No cooking...yay!!!" - I said to my son in a playful voice.

We had a good time my sweetheart and I,
Little did I know it would be our last...

After dinner my baby went to sleep on the blanket that I had used to play "tickle me" with him, it was our favorite game, I loved his laughter so much!!!

I let him sleeping and went to the kitchen were I had left my book, "Soul searching and the meaning of life" 
I figured the mountains were a perfect place for this kind of reading.

As I grabbed my book a man entered the room,
His face was distorted with anger and desperation,
As I looked into his eyes there was no glimpse of his soul,
It was as if he had made his soul a prisoner of his own desires.

My heart felt sad for him, for I knew at a soul level he was not going to stop
but still I pleaded to his sleeping soul to no avail... he would not listen to my cry for mercy,
To my spirit's innate desire to survive.

He came closer with a bitter smile and assured me that I would not be allowed to be happy with someone else any longer... because I had taken his daughter from him!

As he said this he reached with his gloved hand for the kitchen knife seating next to me on the counter top.

My eyes were filled with terror, not for my life but for my baby alone in the next room.

I felt the cold blade pierce through my body until
It met the bones in my spine.
I touched my stomach as my scarlet blood poured out.

"I used to love him" - I thought...
I knew he was bitter but never did I imagine he would actually kill me, it had been so long since I left his world,
Our daughter was now fifteen, he had been in prison since she was two.

He had been in a drug deal that went terribly wrong and killed one of his associates...

I was only 17, ever since that day my life has changed so much, I have learnt so much!

Now as I see him leave, I felt relived that my baby was safe, my life seem to pass before my eyes at a very fast speed and of all I see I regret nothing except the pain that my death will cause my children and my husband.

I could not call for help, there was no phone, no neighbors, 
We went there for isolation!

I also hoped no one would ever know who's done it,
for the sake of my daughter.
I lay now on the floor hoping my family come home soon to care for our baby.

To my horror my son was awake now crawling towards me 
with the prettiest of smiles, 
Seeing my baby in my on blood gave me the strength to stand and clean him the best I could and put him safely in his crib till our family come home.

I kissed him good bye and apologized from the depths of my soul for having to leave so soon, I gave him all the blessings I could think of from the  first day of school to his wedding and the birth of his children and I put those blessings on a kiss and put it on his forehead for ever and after.

Somehow I decided on my dying moments that I should  not be next to him when it happen so I went back to my own crime scene and lay there as the last thoughts crossed my mind.
I imagine all the beautiful things that my family would live one day and I smiled.

With my last breath and with my blood as my ink I wrote:

-" I love you all so much... and I am so sorry to have left you so soon